


Cursed or Not

by xxenjoy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Public Masturbation, Sex Toys, Top!Cas, Winged!Dean, bottom!Dean, canon!verse, casefic, implied switch!dean, reference to intended non-con, witch curse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:15:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18608977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: When Dean is cursed by a witch, he doesn't even realize at first, so he doesn't bother Cas or Sam with the sudden, unusual pain until it turns into something he can't deal with on his own.





	Cursed or Not

**Author's Note:**

> || Set in an alternate s14 - sometime after ep. 300

Dean hates witches; they're gross - no two ways about it, and their tricky as hell, so when Sam finds a case out in Lincoln that sounds witchy, Dean isn't exactly pleased. He's even less pleased when they have to head out right away, but people have been dying in all sorts of weird-ass ways - one of them as recent as two hours ago - and Sam doesn't want to waste any time. The three of them - him, Sam and Cas - pile into the car and head out, but it's early evening so by the time they arrive, there isn't really anything they can do. 

With no witnesses to talk to or leads to hunt down, they check in to their motel and Dean drives to the closest diner because they've been on the road for a couple of hours and he's starving. He sends Sam with a long order while he uses the bathroom and comes back to stand next to Cas. 

There's a guy sitting up at the counter that caught his attention the moment they walked in; he's exactly Dean's type - tall, dark hair, _probably a supernatural creature_ \- and Dean can't keep his eyes off of him. He shouldn't be staring with Cas two inches away, but he's tired and his self-control is at a low right now because of it. 

Sam comes over and frowns at him, nudging him none too gently with his elbow and Dean just looks up at him with a shrug. It's not like anything's going on - sure, Sam may have walked in on him mumbling about Cas in his sleep, but Cas knows none of that and for the time being, Dean wants to keep it that way; feelings are complicated enough in this life without one of you being a soldier of God. 

"Gonna be a fifteen-minute wait," Sam says, "you wanna sit down?"

"Uh, yeah. Just a second." Dean excuses himself and crosses over to the counter where just-his-type is sitting. In the distance, he can hear Sam's mumbled _not what I meant_ , but he chooses to ignore it and he slides into the seat next to the dude. 

Partially, he does it because the guy is hot and he's bored and he's going to be spending the next few days hunting down a witch, but there's a larger part of him, one he tries not to let anyone know about, that does it because Cas hates when he flirts with anyone - especially on a case. Dean would like to think it's because he's jealous, but he's smarter than that - not that it keeps him from imagining the displeased look on Cas' face or the way he rolls his eyes when Dean turns to address his new companion. 

"Hey," he smiles and the guy turns to him with a smirk and one eyebrow lifted in Dean's direction. 

"Hello."

Casting a glance back over his shoulder, Dean is pleased to find Cas just as grumpy as he'd expect, jaw clenched as he turns toward Sam - who looks equally annoyed, but for a totally different reason. There's no good reason Dean should be so pleased with Cas' distress, other than he knows that in this moment all of Cas' attention is on him. Sam calls it pulling pigtails, but Dean just likes being the centre of Cas' attention and he likes the thought that maybe everything he's been feeling for the last ten years isn't as unrequited as he thought. 

He introduces himself and gets a name in return - Ryan. Ryan is a landscaper who's recently single and not interested in anything long term and Dean's seriously considering getting his number and making this trip worthwhile. There's a little tug of guilt in his chest but he pushes it aside; it's not like anything is _actually_ going to happen - they're here for a case and Dean's sharing a room with two other dudes - one of which he would much rather spend the night with. It doesn't stop him from flirting though because it's fun and because it gets Cas' attention like nothing else. It doesn't hurt having Ryan's attention either, because he's not Cas, but he is smokin' hot. 

Cas and Sam don't seem to agree, but Dean is enjoying himself for the first time tonight and he's not doing anyone any harm. He's just leaning in closer when Sam comes up behind him. 

"Hey, we gotta go." Dean frowns at him, but Sam does his _I'm serious_ face and Dean rolls his eyes. 

"Five seconds." He shoos Sam away and turns back to Ryan. "Sorry, maybe next time." Ryan looks less than pleased and Dean doesn't get it because the best he could hope to get out this is sex, and he watched Dean walk in with two other guys, so he probably wasn't expecting that much. Dean slips out of his seat, crossing over to Sam and Cas with his arms out questioningly. 

"There was another murder a couple of blocks away, c'mon." Dean grumbles to himself and he doesn't bother looking back before heading out after Sam and Cas. Their food is going to be cold by the time they get to eat it now, and their chances of facing down a witch _tonight_ just increased exponentially. He looks back over his shoulder to say goodbye to Ryan, but the guy is just gone and dean scowls to himself but shrugs it off. Some people don't wanna wait. 

As soon as he steps outside, Ryan is there again and Cas is less than thrilled to have him standing in his way and brushes past rather brusqely. Dean's taken aback by the whole thing because he's never left someone only to have them cut him off on his way out. 

"Dude, what the hell?" Ryan asks and Dean raises both eyebrows at him, glancing over at Sam who does nothing but try to hurry him up. 

"Hey, uh, dude- I gotta go, sorry." Dean's already irritated because his dinner is being interrupted and the fun flirting has turned into something incredibly un-fun that Dean really doesn't want to deal with. He sighs and flashes his FBI badge at the guy, repeating in his most serious tone, "gotta go." 

Ryan mumbles something under his breath that Dean doesn't quite catch, and Dean rolls his eyes as he turns to follow Sam. "Whatever buddy," he mumbles tucking his badge back into his shirt pocket. He's discovered that keeping it with him comes in handy, even if they're not working and tonight it's done it job quite well - or so he thinks. 

He's just climbing into his seat when something hits his back. It's just a faint bump like something falling from a tree, and for a second Dean thinks Ryan is actually throwing things at him - better for him that he got out of there because no one needs that kind of attitude - but when he looks back there's nothing there. He shrugs it off, assuming it was just a muscle spasm or something and slips into his seat, turning on the engine so they can get back to the hotel and change into something a little more professional before butting in on someone else's crime scene. 

They send Cas ahead to check it out because he looks like a fed all the time, and Dean and Sam hurry to get into their suits as quickly as possible. Dean doesn't think about Ryan for the rest of the night.

< \- - - - - >

When he wakes up in the morning, Dean's back hurts, but if he pulled something last night, it only makes sense and these days pulling a muscle is as easy as bending over the wrong way. He stretches as he gets out of bed and hops into an extra hot shower, letting the water run down his back and soothe the pain. It helps a little, but by the time he gets out, Sam is back with breakfast and he forgets about it for the time being.

Sam and Dean drive out after breakfast to talk to the family of the latest victim. While they're busy with that, Cas is off to take a closer look at the crime scenes, in case he can find something without the local cops snooping around questioning what he's doing. 

Right off the bat, they catch a lead; the victim's sister remembers her hooking up with some dude from a dating site, but other than that there was nothing unusual in either of their lives. To her, it seems like nothing, and at first, Dean agrees - until she gives them a description of the guy. 

"He was... I don't know? He had dark hair, blue eyes, I think. Accent. He was very striking, but I got a bad feeling about him right from the start. You know how you get that feeling about some people?"

Sam nods along with her and glances over at Dean. Okay, so the guy she's talking about sounds a little like Ryan - it's probably a coincidence. Dean's better at picking guys than that. 

Except the more she talks, the more it _does_ sound like Ryan and Dean is just thankful that Cas isn't here right now, because he can't handle that level of smug. Sam doesn't say anything which Dean is thankful for, but Dean can tell by the look on his face that he's just waiting until they get out of there. Stupid Sam and his stupid whatever it is with Cas lately. The two of them seem to be ganging up on him more and more frequently and Dean suspects Cas is going to know all about this before they even get back to the hotel. 

Sam has the decency to wait until they're in the car before he launches into his own version of an _I told you so_ speech about how he _knows_ Dean's just doing it to get a rise out of Cas and maybe he'd learn his lesson if he was the one who was attacked by a witch. Dean just rolls his eyes and takes a right turn off the main road; his back is getting worse and as far as he's concerned, the pain is enough compensation enough for trying to make Cas jealous last night - the last thing he needs is an unexpected confrontation with this witch. 

They make their way to talk to another dude who seemingly had a run-in with the same witch. Dean's back is getting progressively worse and by the time they arrive at the house, he's in enough pain that he can't focus on what the dude is saying - all he manages to catch is another description that, while vague, still sounds a hell of a lot like Ryan. Cas meets up with them afterward and while Sam tries to get him on board the mock-Dean-train, Cas can very clearly tell something is up with Dean and he ignores Sam in favour of pestering him about what's wrong. 

"I'm fine," Dean insists, climbing back into the car, but the relief he feels just from sitting down is a little worrying. It's only a fifteen-minute drive to their next stop, but by the time they get there, Dean's too sore to get out of the car. He sends Cas and Sam off to talk to whoever is left and he goes off to pick up lunch because the thought of standing up is more than exhausting. 

He opts for the drive-thru and heads back to the motel, but it takes him four tries to get out of the car on his own. It's fine, he tells himself, just a pulled muscle that will heal in a couple of days. So long as he can get away without having to admit to Sam or Cas how bad it is, he'll be fine. 

The walk from the parking lot to the room takes far too much effort and when he gets inside, Dean makes himself a coffee and sits down on his bed, carefully leaning against the headboard. He shuts his eyes and sips his coffee, trying not to focus on the pain, but he knows a pulled muscle doesn't hurt this much. 

When Cas and Sam get back, they've got good news and a plan of attack, but Dean is really suffering now and he has to focus harder than he should just to pay attention to what they're saying. Sam is certain now that Ryan is the guy they're looking for and Dean's at the point where he just feels like an idiot for hitting on a witch and he doesn't even have the energy to defend himself. 

The plan is this; Cas and Sam have created multiple accounts on various dating sites that the victims used, hoping to lure in Ryan. He's chosen both male and female victims and as far as they can tell, there's no common denominator, so they've chosen people of various race, age and gender hoping something will strike him. For the time being, all they can do is wait and for Dean, who's in a fair amount of pain, waiting is the last thing he wants to do. 

Sam and Cas are terrible company because they're both constantly on their phones and even when Dean does get a word in, they're not particularly chatty. All he wants is a little bit of distraction, is that so much to ask for? He naps, which doesn't go very well; he tries to read - equally ineffective, and eventually, he gives up and watches porn on his phone because no one's paying attention to him and maybe it will be enough to keep his mind off the pain. 

It's not. Nothing is. 

Sam and Cas try for a full twenty-four hours with no luck and at that point, Dean is hungry and already irritable and so fucking done with this whole case. In a last-ditch attempt to hurry things up, he signs into his own dating app on his phone - it's a little out of date because he's been really out of the dating/hooking up scene since he realized his feelings for Cas were, well, what they are. It works though, and he hopes a familiar face might catch Ryan's interest. 

Much to Dean's satisfaction - and relief - it does. Sam and Cas both give him suspicious looks when his phone pings, but Dean just smirks back at them, as self-satisfied as he can be without being able to get up on his own. 

"I got him," he says and Sam and Cas frown in unison, crossing over the bed to look. 

" _Impala67_?" Cas asks, looking up to Dean. 

"Right?" Sam says. Dean just rolls his eyes. 

"Okay, okay, we're not here to pick on me. I got him, what do you want me to say."

"You just need to get him to agree to meet somewhere, preferably tonight," Sam says. Dean notices the way Cas' frown deepens when he explains, but he doesn't comment on it. He just smirks up at Sam again.

"Are you doubting me?"

It takes him five whole minutes before Ryan is asking him to meet him and while Dean is smug as hell about the whole thing, Cas is still suspicious. He keeps mumbling things to Sam when he thinks Dean can't hear him. 

"Doesn't it strike you as odd that we tried for hours and he replies to Dean instantly?"

"Yeah, I thought that too. Keep an eye on Dean, I don't want him getting too smug about this and forgetting what's at stake."

Dean rolls his eyes to himself from the bathroom and drops his head against the mirror. He's been standing here, leaning against the sink for five minutes because he can't bring himself to push himself upright again because he knows it's going to hurt. He waits a couple of minutes and Cas knocks on the door. 

"Dean?"

"'M good, gonna have a shower I think." There's a mumbled _okay_ from beyond the door and Dean groans internally because now he has to turn the shower on or they're really going to think something's up. He pushes himself off the counter with a wince and decides if he's going to fake it, and he's up already, he might as well have a shower. After all, he does have a date tonight. 

By the time seven o'clock rolls around and Dean's supposed to be heading out to meet Ryan, he'd do anything to get out of it. He's taken to drinking - albeit sneakily, so Sam and Cas won't find out - to help with the pain and he's had enough that he shouldn't drive. He brushes his teeth and pops a piece of gum to try and mask the scent and grabs his keys from the table by the door. In the same motion, Cas swipes them back, curling his fingers around them and giving Dean a disapproving look. 

"Sam might be easy to fool, but I'm not. You're not driving." Dean wants to argue, but honestly, he's not sure he can drive right now so he relents and lets Cas take the keys away. He smoothes hand down Dean's back and Dean barely resists groaning out loud but he doesn't want Cas to know how bad it is. 

Cas drives and normally Dean would take every advantage to tease him or fantasize to himself because Cas is hot and Cas driving his car is even more hot in a way he can't quite explain. Tonight, it takes everything in him not to tell him to turn around and take him to a hospital. He can't though because then he has to admit everything and they won't be able to take out Ryan and he just can't have any of that. Not after he's suffered so long trying to find him. 

The house is at the end of the street, so Cas pulls over halfway there and Dean has to drive down the rest of the way alone - just in case. He's dreading it, but it's not quite as bad as he's expecting and he pulls up along the sidewalk in front of the house. It's an obvious trap; there are no other houses close by, no parked cars, only a single street light a few yards down - there's no way this isn't a where he brings people to kill him. 

Dean walks up to the house expecting to have to fight and dreading it even more than he was the drive up. It's not like that at all. 

When Ryan opens the door, he's dressed in dark well-fitting jeans and a button down shirt and if Dean didn't know better, he'd say he was walking into an actual date. 

"Dean," he smiles, "it's good to see you again."

"You too," Dean grins, leaning in as Ryan pulls him into a quick hug. It's weird because there's not a single thing in this house that says _witch_ , but the descriptions of him were spot on - right down to his voice. Dean proceeds with caution, sitting down on the edge of the couch and quickly texting Sam when Ryan leaves the room to get them drinks. 

_> > I'm in. Weird though, house seems normal_

_**< < We're just outside. Flash the signal out the main window when you need us. ** _

_> > Gotcha. Gotta go._

Ryan returns, smiling as he sets a glass down in front of Dean. Dean's got two options now; he could drink it and risk falling for whatever Ryan has planned, or he could not drink it and risk giving himself away. He opts for the latter, insisting that he already had a drink to calm his nerves and he has to drive later. 

"Oh baby, you don't have to nervous," Ryan smiles, sliding up closer. 

_Fuck_. He can't get too close. He doesn't _want_ to get too close. Witches are crafty and disgusting and God knows what he could do to Dean with only a touch. He tries to withhold a grimace when he thinks about it, but he's unsuccessful - not judging by the look on Ryan's face. 

"Just one drink?" he whispers. Man, this guy is something else and if Dean wasn't in pain and convinced that this guy is a skeezy witch, he'd probably fall for the whole ploy. 

There's the sound of footsteps from a back room and just as Dean is going to ask about it, Ryan interrupts, promising he'll be right back and explaining that it's just his cat. It's not a cat. If Dean knows anything, it's the sound of someone trying not to be heard; they're not alone in the house. 

_> > Gonna need you now. Someone else is here._

He tucks his phone into his pocket and waits patiently for Ryan to come back, leaning back in into the corner of the couch. It helps the pain and somehow makes it worse all at once, but he has to pretend to be comfortable if he's going to pull this off. His phone vibrates, signally Sam's response and he (calms down) significantly knowing he's not going to have to take on two witches without help. 

Ryan comes back with a blonde woman in tow, smiling like he's won the damn lottery. "I hope you don't mind company," he grins, stepping up to the opposite end of the couch. "This is my friend Leah."

"Woah, woah, woah," Dean starts, soundlessly thanking anyone who might be listening that he has a legitimate out. "I didn't sign up for this." He pushes himself up off the couch and Ryan moves closer, stepping into his space until Dean can feel his breath on his skin. 

"Come on baby, we'll show you a good time. I know you're into it. I've seen you with men... and women." He looks up at him seductively, biting his lip and Dean's mind is racing so fast he can't think. He keeps repeating _I've seen you_ over and over in his head and suddenly one thing is alarmingly clear; whatever this whole thing is about in Lincoln, it's all centered _him_. 

In a moment of panic, Dean prays, louder and more urgently than he has in years. Ryan is still talking, but Dean's head is fuzzy. It's not the wine because he didn't drink it, and he was careful not to let him get too close... It's probably the pain, he tells himself. 

Dean's vaguely aware of the door slamming in behind him and then Cas' arms are around him, hauling him back and out of the way. He slams into the wall and crumples to the floor, groaning as he unfurls himself. Above him, Ryan and Leah are on Sam and Dean wants to help, but he's struggling just to get to his feet. He forgets sometimes, how strong Cas is, but tonight is a reminder he didn't really need; if Cas wanted to prove his strength there are many more pleasurable ways Dean could think of. 

When he gets up, Ryan is on Sam and Dean doesn't think before lunging at him. All he can think is that he wants to fuck this dude royally, and seeing him attacking his brother isn't doing anything to dampen that feeling. He succeeds in ripping Ryan off of Sam, and there's a moment's pause in which Ryan's staring them both down like he wants to attack again, but he knows he's outnumbered. 

Dean's head is clear again and when he can focus, he knows that what he needs to do is shoot Ryan before he can get the upper hand again, but he can't get a clear shot and his hands are shaking with the pain it takes to keep them outstretched. He's seething now and Cas slips up next to him in the commotion, gently pressing his arms down. 

"The pain is just making you irritable," he says and Dean's stunned to know that Cas knows and still let him come along. "You're not in control, let Sam handle this." He's going to, he is, just as soon as he fucking gets that asshole on the floor. 

Sam moves before Dean can, grabbing Ryan's shirt and hauling him forward. He's got a knife in his hand it would be so easy for Sam to just plunge it into his heart or, better yet, Sam could hold him still while Dean shoots him in the face. He moves to help but a spike of pain shoots up his spine and he collapses to the floor. 

He doesn't even realize he's clinging to Cas' coat until his fingers are being pried away and Cas is crouching down next to him. Sam still has Ryan in his hands and Dean tries to relay just how badly he needs Sam to kill him, right now, but Sam's not focused on the hunt anymore and in a split second he's thrown Ryan down and he's crouched next to Cas. Dean is pissed and he tries to say as much to Sam and Cas, but they're not listening and he can barely keep himself upright. 

Dean's light-headed and he shuts his eyes against the spinning of the room. He can't stand on his own so Sam and Cas prop him up between them and Dean makes an attempt to walk with them out to the car, but it's hard because all he knows is pain and dizziness. They get him into the back seat and at some point, he must have passed out because the next thing he knows is Cas helping him out again, frowning with concern as he slips his arm around Dean's back. 

The touch is excruciating and Dean pulls away, stumbling into Sam, who makes an attempt to do the same thing. "Don't," Dean warns, " _please_." His vision blurs and there are hands on him and he blacks out again.

When he comes to again, he's lying on his bed in the motel and despite being on his back, he can't bring himself to move. He's only vaguely aware of what's going on and he knows Sam and Cas are talking to him, asking him what's wrong, but even if he could find his voice, he doesn't know. 

There's a familiar warmth that fills him, starting at his head and working its way down through his body. It doesn't feel _better_ , per se, but it's comforting and Dean recognizes it immediately as grace, Cas is going to heal him. Except he doesn't. The warmth and the good feeling dissipate leaving only pain in their place and when Dean opens his eyes, Cas looks on the verge on panic. 

"It didn't work," he says softly and Sam exhales loudly behind him. "Dean, can you tell me anything? Did he do something to you?" Dean shakes his head. He's doesn't know anything, but he's confident this wasn't Ryan because it's been going on for days. 

Nothing helps, but Cas and Sam do everything they can to try and ease the pain and when that doesn't help, Sam pours him a shot of whiskey in hopes that it will help him sleep. It doesn't, but Dean appreciates the effort and he shuts his eyes, trying to focus on anything but the tearing sensation in his back.

< \- - - - - >

When the sun rises, Dean estimates he's gotten a total of twenty minutes sleep altogether. Cas has been at his side all night and Sam passed out a few hours ago in the armchair next to his bed. He's still asleep when Cas convinces Dean to let him look at his back. Of all of them, he's the most knowledgeable about curses and hexes - though Dean is still doubtful that this is either. He manages to sit up on his own, and the pain has decreased a little, but when Cas touches his back, it's worse than before.

"What the fuck, Cas?"

"I'm sorry. You have small lumps on your shoulder blades. How long have they been there?"

Dean shrugs reflexively and winces at the pain. "I don't know. Didn't know they were there."

"We should take you to the hospital," Cas says. 

"I'm fine, Cas. I'll be fine." He tries to pull away, but he can't and so he slumps back, bumping against Cas. Cas is clearly unimpressed with his obstinance, and he makes his views known, though he doesn't push the matter. 

They wake Sam up with their bickering, and even though Sam agrees with Cas, Dean outright refuses to go to the hospital because what if it is something supernatural? How are they going to explain that?

Sometime after lunch, Sam gives in and they pack their things and prepare to go home. Ryan's still out there and Dean is pissed about it, but at least if he was trying to get Dean's attention, no one else should get hurt. He thinks about it all the way home and as much as he hates leaving a hunt open-ended, there's no way he can continue in this condition. He makes Sam promise to go after him later and promptly passes out.

< \- - - - - >

Dean spends the next couple of days in bed, only getting out to shower and use the bathroom. Sam won't even let him up to eat. He hates it, both being confined to his room and being so heavily dependant on everyone else, and for the first few days he rarely sleeps unless Cas knocks him out for a couple of hours, and even then it's usually interrupted by awful dreams. Everything is garbage and then one afternoon, it gets worse.

The pain spikes again, worse than it's ever been, and for a few minutes, Dean feels like he can't even breathe. It could be minutes or it could be hours that he lies there before Sam finds him; any sense of time is gone with the pain flooding through him and all he knows is that suddenly Sam is there and just as instantly, he's shouting for Cas. Whatever it is can't be good, but Dean already knew that.

Cas and Sam haul him up and look him over, but Dean barely registers it; it's too overwhelming and a growing part of him is thinking that this is the way he dies. No monster, no bullet, just him lying pathetically in his bed, completely immobilized by some mystery pain. He should have told Cas and Sam earlier - maybe they could have figured it out together. 

When he opens his eyes, he realizes he's slumped over Sam, but there are hands on his back, low where it doesn't hurt so much, smoothing gently over his skin. It would be calming if not for the fact that his upper back feels like it's being torn apart from the inside. He says as much to Cas. 

"I think it is," Cas says quietly and oh, well, okay then. That's just fucking perfect. "Sam look at this." Sam shifts, jostling Dean and it's uncomfortable, but not nearly as much as when he reaches out to touch whatever it is Cas is looking at. 

"What the hell?"

"I... I think they're _wings_."

"Excuse me?" Dean interrupts. "What did you just say?" There's some shuffling and the familiar sound of a phone camera and then Sam's shifting back into place, holding his phone out for Dean to see. 

The first thing he notices is blood - and a lot of it. He does his best not to worry about it, but that's his blood and there are, indeed, small feathery-looking things poking out just between his shoulder blades. _What the absolute fuck_. He continues to stare at the picture, taking Sam's phone from him to zoom in on the things. Vaguely, he's aware of Cas giving directions, asking Sam for something and then Sam is gone. 

"I'm not entirely certain," Cas says softly, slipping forward and readjusting so his crossed legs frame Dean's hips. His hands are soft and despite the searing pain, his touch doesn't hurt. Probably some angel thing, Dean assumes. "Having lived among angels - and having my own wings - it's the closest I can guess at this stage." 

_At this stage_. Meaning it's probably going to get worse before it gets better - if it gets better. 

Dean doesn't sleep at all that night and Cas stays with him again, checking in every couple hours to make sure he's still alright or to knock him out if he hasn't slept yet. It's a long night, not least of all because every time he rolls onto his back, he's brutally reminded that he can't do that. 

In the early morning, when his body is too worn out to be fully awake, but he's too sore to fall asleep, he lies awake listening to Sam and Cas whispering outside his room. He's not aware enough to know what they're saying and they're speaking too quietly anyway, but he doesn't like the sounds of it.

It takes just over a week for the wings to fully grow in and Dean has never spent so much time with Cas in the entire time they've known each other. Cas insists on being with him at all times, keeping an eye on the wings and making sure Dean is sleeping properly because he struggles to do that on his own lately. Cas is around so often that Dean's starting to wonder whether these things are really the curse he thought they were; he'd do anything for the pain to go away - though it's eased from a searing, tearing pain to a dull ache in the last couple of days - but he likes having Cas at arms' reach. 

When the pain starts to dissipate, it gives way to a whole new set of problems, namely balance; the first time Dean tries to get out of bed on his own, he falls flat on his ass. The wings are fucking huge and they weigh a goddamn ton; he's never considered the actual body-to-wing ratio before and all he has to go on for reference is what he's seen in cartoons and the memory of the _shadow_ of Cas' wings some ten years ago now. It turns out, in real life, they're absurdly large and completely uncontrollable. 

He's out of bed now, but Sam and Cas still have to help him around everywhere he goes, unless he bends himself in half to counterbalance, which is incredibly uncomfortable for his already suffering back. Cas explains that humans weren't meant to have wings - no shit - and if they were, they would likely have a whole other set of muscles meant to help with balance and things like that. Dean tunes out halfway because his back begins to ache from the strain and when Cas is done chatting away, he helps Dean back to bed. 

It takes a while, but Dean eventually gets used to the wings and he's proud of himself for learning to function with them, but Cas, ever the optimist, assures him that they're not natural and therefore his body's adjustment is probably also not natural. Dean grumbles about it for a couple of days, but realistically, Cas is right. Either way, Dean has adjusted to his new, hopefully temporary appendages and life goes back to normal. Mostly. 

Everything is fine for a couple of weeks. Dean has to limit his time outside the bunker and when he does go out he needs to stay close or keep the wings covered - the people of Lebanon are already suspicious enough of the three weird men who live outside of town, the last thing they need is to find out one of them has sprouted wings. Sam still spends most of his time trying to figure out what could have caused this, since yes, they had a run-in with a witch, but the most that Dean felt was a weird fuzzy feeling in his head - and that was after the pain had already started. 

Dean, on the other hand, having lived through the pain and the discomfort of learning to walk all over again, is fairly fond of his new wings. They're mostly white but blend into a chocolate brown near the tips of his primaries and they're actually quite beautiful. Sam makes fun of him because he's started dressing to match them. Cas keeps suspiciously quiet about the whole matter unless asked directly, but Dean suspects he kinda likes them too. 

He's caught him staring a couple of times and there's a new kind of tension between them that was never there before. Not knowing what else to do about it, Dean brings it up to Sam. Casually. 

"Does Cas seem weird to you?" he asks one night, leaning against the counter while Sam is chopping vegetables for dinner. 

"No? Should he?"

"No," Dean shrugs, "he just seems weird with me lately. Like he's all tense about something."

"Uh huh. That's not new, Dean. There's always been tension between you and Cas. I mean, I gave up waiting for you two to kiss like six years ago but-" Dean's already out of the room, tipping Sam's glass over with his wing for good measure as he leaves. What does Sam know, anyway?

It's fine, it's not like he was going to do anything about it anyway; Cas is an actual angel and Dean is - well, he's not wholly sure about that anymore. They'll get on like they always have; Dean will pine quietly and Cas will continue on, oblivious as always. It works for them, sort of, but it's not like their life lends itself to any sort of actual relationships. Dean still has him, even if it's not the way that he wants; Cas is still there and they still have a good relationship. 

All in all, Dean's life is a lot better than it could be, at least until one morning in early May. It doesn't start off particularly weird, other than Dean wakes up uncommonly horny. It happens, on occasion, especially living full time with Cas now, but today it feels different. He jerks off before getting out of bed and then showers and goes about the rest of his day. They're just lazing about the bunker and with nothing in particular to keep him occupied, there's a buzz under his skin that no amount of drinking or TV will calm. 

By two, he's jerked off again and secluded himself in his room. It feels good this time, really good, but it only makes him want more. Normally, he doesn't come more than two or three times in a day, but he's still so damn horny. 

There's a video he found a couple of years back, one he avoids watching because one of the models looks remarkably like Cas and there's a certain guilt associated with watching it. The fact of the matter is that he gets off thinking about Cas more often than he should and having the visual only adds to that, but it feels like an intrusion and lately he's been doing his best not to think about fucking Cas. Today he needs something that's going to make him come quick and hard and the video is exactly what he needs. 

He checks the lock on his door and drops down onto his bed, leaning back against the headboard with his wings folded up behind him on his pillows. He pulls his laptop up next to him and shoves the blankets down below his feet, kicking then down to the end of the bed. He's alone, that much he's sure of, but his heart still thuds heavily in his chest - anticipation, he tells himself. The video hasn't even gotten started and Dean's already hard in his jeans, which is really unusual considering he's already come today. 

He rubs himself through his jeans, keeping his eyes on the screen and trying to focus on the video. It's hard though, because the second the first dude comes on screen, Dean's mind is off, imagining all sorts of wild scenarios in which Cas walks in on him or shoves him up against his car after a hunt gone wrong when they're both beaten and bloody and- His cock jerks hard and he wraps his fingers around himself, squeezing gently. God, he doesn't usually get worked up this easily, not on his own, but every touch feels like it could push him over the edge - only it doesn't. 

It's like he's simultaneously getting closer and further from coming and the same time and he slips a hand into his jeans, wrapping around himself and pulling softly up to the head. He tries to focus on the video, watching the way they touch each other, the way the one guy groans when he gets his cock sucked, but it's so hard not to think about Cas and maybe this was a bad idea.

He tries to put the thoughts out of his mind as he gets himself out of his jeans. He's been going around shirtless most of the time considering he's confined to the bunker, but he's never appreciated it until now. He slips one hand up his chest, brushing over his nipples and he lets out a short, stuttered moan as he rolls it between his fingers. His other hand curls back around his cock and he jerks himself slowly at first, and when that's not enough, he speeds up, moving quick and fast, but it's not enough either. 

What he really wants is for someone to fuck him; it's been a long time since he's been with a dude who wanted to be on top and he's craving it like never before. If he had his way, every encounter with a dude would end with him being fucked, but a lot of the time lately, it's the opposite and it's not what he wants, but sometimes when he's horny he doesn't really care. Today he very much cares but despite the fact that Sam is out, Dean's not quite desperate enough to ask Cas for something like that and he settles for the closest alternative. 

He pauses the video, shuffling around in his bedside table until he finds the dido with the suction cup. It's been tucked away in the back because he rarely uses it anymore, but today he wants to bent over and fucked hard and this is the closest he's gonna get. The longer he waits, the more impatient he gets and he slides his hand back over the curve of his ass, pressing between his cheeks. 

His patience is all but gone by the time he's ready and his cock is aching, dripping pre-come onto his mattress and _god_ , he needs this so badly. He fixes the dildo to his headboard, slicking it up quickly before adjusting himself and pressing back onto it. It's instantly satisfying and Dean has to bite his lip not to moan too loudly as he pushes onto the dildo. He shifts back so can rock his hips without moving his knees and he drops his chin against his chest, squeezing his eyes shut. When he presses back, the dildo bumps against his prostate and his wings flare out above him. It's unexpected, but Dean finds there's a sort of tingly feeling that starts where his wings sprout out from his back and he likes it. 

Pressing his hips back, Dean grinds against the dildo, pushing it against his prostate and the tingling increases. The last thing he expected these wings to be good for was _this_ , but oh man, is he enjoying it. He quickens his thrusts, rocking onto the dildo as he reaches down to jerk himself off. He's so close already and he just needs to come; he just needs a little more. 

He gets just that when he looks down at his laptop. This guy really does look a hell of a lot like Cas and it's the thought of Cas fucking him, slamming into him and curling his fingers into Dean's feathers that tips him over the edge. He comes hard all over his bed, fucking into his hand and back onto the dildo and he just keeps coming, hips jerking until he's breathless and he barely pulls off the dildo before collapsing into the mess. 

Jesus Christ, he hasn't come that hard in _years_. He's still panting as he shuts his laptop and presses his face into the bed. The corner of his laptop digs into his face and he can't be bothered to care because holy shit, he feels good right now. For a little while, he basks in the afterglow, but the afternoon is wearing on and now he has laundry to do before bed which is just about the last thing he wants to do. Dean grudgingly gets up and tidies everything up before stripping the bed and tossing the sheets and his clothes into the laundry pile in the corner of the room. 

Despite the amazing orgasm and finally feeling content, he ends up jerking off in the shower before bed, coming hard with his fingers inside himself. 

When he goes to bed he's sated and warm in clean sheets and he curls his wings around himself, nestling into their warmth. Sometimes, lately, he's taken to pretending it's Cas, imagining how it would feel to have wings that weren't his own wrapped around him, comforting. His mind takes a sharp turn, picturing sliding his fingers through Cas' wings, feeling him shudder under the touch and his own wings twitch at the thought of it. He tries to shut his eyes and not think about it, but the idea is there now and it's not going away.

< \- - - - - >

Dean wakes up in the morning to a rush of pleasure zipping through him and he doesn't realize he's coming until his body relaxes again and he realizes his boxer-briefs are soaked. He's fucking forty, his days - or rather nights - of wet dreams should be long over, especially after how many times he came yesterday. It's a good damn thing they don't pay for laundry, because if things keep going this way, he's going to have a lot of it.

Things only get worse for him. At first, the urges and desires come from seemingly nowhere, just sudden bursts of lust that make it difficult to spend any significant amount of time with his housemates. Hunting, of course, is completely out of the question; the last thing he needs is to explain to Sam or Cas why he's suddenly turned on by a werewolf. Or it could be worse; there are times when, as much as he tries, he can't control himself and he needs to get off _right now_. Last week there was a very close call when the urge hit him in the middle of a conversation with Cas and Dean nearly knocked him to the floor before making an excuse and getting the fuck out of there. 

More and more now, Dean's starting to realize that Cas isn't just in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that a lot of these feelings are stronger around him. He frequently finds himself getting turned on by things Cas does that, although sexy, because everything he goddamn does is sexy, should not have this great an effect on him. Tonight all he did was smile at Dean across the table and he was practically hard just from that. 

The majority of the time it's less cause and effect than it just pure fucking lust that sneaks up on him when he's least expecting it and makes it impossible to live a normal life. The only thing that keeps him from losing his mind altogether is that Sam seems to be exempt from all of this; if he wasn't, Dean would have to move up into the hills and become a hermit because almost jumping your best friend is one thing, but your brother is a whole other ballgame and Dean wants no part in that. He wonders, sometimes, if it's because of the feelings he already has for Cas because he _knows_ how he feels, he's not denying it anymore and he knows there could be something between them, it's just complicated. But maybe that's what all this stems from - the urges, anyway - just the simple fact that these feelings exist and whatever is inside him is reacting to that. Because he's sure there's something in there that shouldn't be, he's just too afraid to talk to Sam or Cas about it. 

So he keeps it to himself like he does with everything else, and he suffers alone in his room. At this point, he barely trusts himself to be in the same room as Cas, even with Sam around, because when the urges hit, they're stronger than ever and sometimes just being near Cas can bring on an episode. He hates having to segregate himself, but he'd hate it more if he ever lost control around Cas; there are so many things he wants to do with him and say to him, but he wants to be in control of his body when he does - none of this weird bullshit. 

The last few days have been unbearable. Before that, Cas and Sam were away on a hunt and they'd taken Jack with them, more out of pity for Dean, he suspects, than anything, but Dean had had free reign of the bunker and it had been good to feel like a regular person again - wings notwithstanding - but now he's back to his room on his own and the loneliness is starting to wear on him. 

Dean's lowest point comes sometime in May. He's not sure of exact dates anymore, but he's been out of commission for a couple months what with the wings and the uncontrollable lust that pops up right at the most inappropriate times. Sam's been worried about him lately, more so than usual, and Dean tries to assure him that everything is okay, but Sam's not buying any of. It's not completely unbearable until one night, well after midnight, when Dean's alone in his room. He's been resisting the urge for so long but it's getting to the point where it's painful when he holds out for too long. 

Sam walks in on him while he's jerking off with a vibe up his ass and Dean can't even bring himself to stop because he needs to come so badly. Afterward, he feels like such shit that he can't even bring himself to text Sam to apologize; all he wants to do is curl up and die. 

After that, Dean decides he needs to do _something_ and Sam and Cas start to worry even more than before. He keeps up his all-is-well attitude, but even he starts researching to try and figure out what the fuck is going on with him. Every spell or curse they find that could be the answer is not quite right and they end up back at square one six times a day. 

Cas has taken to staying home to keep an eye on Dean in case he needs anything and Sam takes Jack with him on any hunts he thinks he's ready for. One night Sam and Jack are out of town and Dean's having a fairly good day, so he risks going up to do research with Cas. They're sitting in the library where they've been for the last few hours, and while Cas has his nose pressed into book after book, Dean finds that the questions floating around in his head can't be answered by some old books. He's been contemplating asking Cas for some time and on three separate occasions has decided that his question is either stupid, not worth Cas' time, or something he won't know the answer to anyway, so he should just leave it. And he does, normally, but apparently his brain hasn't quite caught up tonight. 

"So you have wings," he says suddenly, bluntly. Cas looks up over the edge of his book, glancing down the table at him.

"So do you." His eyes flick down again but Dean's not done.

"Exactly. So why can you see my wings and I can't see yours?"

Cas huffs a soft laugh that comes across as somewhat patronizing and Dean frowns at him as he closes his book in front of him, setting one hand on top of it. "Dean, I'm an angel. You have wings. That's the difference." There's a wooshing sound that Dean hasn't head in way too long and when he looks up again, having laser-focused on Cas' hand on the book, Cas is smiling almost smugly - and it's a damn good look on him. 

It takes Dean a second to realize what the whooshing sound was, and when he does all the air pulls from his lunch. Cas is sitting, having now returned to his book, with his wings fully visible half-extended behind him and if Dean wasn't turned on before, he definitely is now. His dick twitches against his thigh and he's already preparing to escape when Cas glances back up to him expectantly. Dean awkwardly shifts in his seat in a futile attempt to mask the fact that Cas' display is making him hard - not that that's a difficult thing to do these days. 

The looks he gets from Cas is mostly unreadable, but there's a definite note of recognition there and Dean would swear he catches him smiling before he ducks his head again. His instant reaction is fear, but that's quickly overwhelmed by the thought of Cas climbing over the table to get to him and Dean would be more embarrassed if he wasn't so fucking hard already. 

"I'm gonna um," he starts and judging by the way Cas' expression drops as he nods, he knows exactly what Dean's going to do. The great dark wings shimmer out of sight and Dean makes a mental note to ask Cas about them when all of this is over and he's gotten his body back under control; he'd like to get a chance to see them up close without the risk of humping Cas' leg or coming in his pants because he's horny as fuck all the time. 

Dean slinks away to his room to deal with his persistent erection and afterward he's too ashamed to go back up and sit with Cas. Cas knows too much about what's going on not to realize that tonight he was definitely the cause of Dean's arousal and with everything else going on, Dean doesn't have the mental capacity to deal with that right now. Even when Sam and Jack get back later that evening, Dean stays quietly tucked away in his room watching TV to try and forget the rest of the day. 

Sam comes to him the following afternoon with a solution, and having nothing better to offer himself, Dean relents. He doesn't want to get into details about this with Sam, so he calls Rowena himself, secluded away where no one else can hear anything they shouldn't. 

"So," she says, "tell me about your little problem."

"It started a couple of months back, we were hunting this witch."

"Mmhm," she interjects and Dean rolls his eyes at the obvious displeasure in her voice. He's gotten used to Rowena, though he'd never admit it to anyone else, but she makes it clear to him frequently that she hasn't warmed to his thorough dislike of witches. 

" _Anyway_ , long story short I... grew wings-"

"Yes, Sam sent me a photo. They're beautiful."

"Not the point. Recently I uh, there's been this- I dunno, I feel-"

"Spit it out, dear."

"Could you just-" he sighs, shutting his eyes and dropping his head back where he leans against the wall. "I'm horny all the goddamn time. I'm not talking like 13-year-old horny I'm talking uncontrollable- like I almost..." when he tries to say it out loud, almost jumping Cas sounds much worse than he remembers it and he stops himself. "I can barely be around Cas anymore because when I get like this I can't stop myself."

To her credit, Rowena doesn't make a single joke. She hums down the line and Dean waits as patiently as he can for some sort of solution, but she doesn't seem to have one. 

"And you're sure Gabriel has nothing to do with this? This is right up his alley, what with your _feelings_." She's not wrong, but he doesn't want to admit it, and besides, Gabriel's gone - for real this time. He says as much and she makes a doubtful sound, but Dean can tell she wasn't fully invested in that theory. 

"I don't know what to tell you, Dean, it doesn't sound like anything I've heard of. I'll look into it some more, but I think your best bet is to try and track down who did this to you and talk to them. I'll keep in touch."

"Thanks," Dean says, but he's feeling downhearted about it; if anyone was going to know what was wrong with it, it would be Rowena and now he doesn't know what to do.

He sulks around his room for a while before he works up the nerve to go and talk to Sam and Cas about it. He's trying to involve Jack in this as little as possible because he wasn't there when it happened, so there's no point in dragging him into the problem now; Sam and Cas have been around long enough that there's no keeping things from them, but Jack doesn't deserve to have everyone else's problems dumped on him. 

Naturally, he's the one who pipes up and reminds them that Dean is the biggest clue they have. Dean and Sam have been there before and Dean's no happier to be a clue now than he was ten years ago. Jack's right though - everyone always seems to be right lately when Dean doesn't want them to be - and he doesn't want to admit it, but he's got an idea who might be to blame. 

"When did it start?" Sam asks and Dean shuts his eyes because he doesn't want to ask which part he's talking about. 

"March 3rd," Cas says matter-of-factly and he's met with three stunned looks. Cas turns to Dean apologetically. "It's the first night I noticed a change in the way you act. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was as bad as it is."

Dean's dumbfounded, but it does make sense considering how dedicated Cas has been to researching and trying to find a solution for him. While Dean is still speechless, Sam seems to take it at face value that of course Cas knew all along when this happened and it takes Dean a couple of seconds to catch up with what Sam's saying. 

"So if we find Ryan-"

"Wait, what?" Dean interrupts. "No, this was before that."

"You were flirting with him pretty hard at the diner," Cas interrupts. "He could have slipped you something then." Fuck, that's right. How the hell did he forget about that?

"He's got a point," Sam adds and Dean wants to assure them that he's not a fucking idiot and that he's careful when he's talking to someone, but Cas sounds irritated enough at the memory, he doesn't want to think more about it.

"If we track down the witch-" Cas starts and Dean doesn't miss the way he avoids using his name.

"We don't have to," Dean interrupts, pulling his phone out and waving it at them. "I've got him right here." For the past five minutes, he's been fighting against the rising urges again and he needs this to be done quickly. 

"You think it's gonna work?" Sam asks and Dean nods. 

"I don't see how we have another option. Look, if it doesn't work, I'll call Rowena and see what she can do for us." Dean makes a quick escape while Sam is thinking it over and by the time he gets his door closed, he's aching for release and he's got a hand down his pants before he can even cross to the bed. 

He comes leaning back against the door and slips down to the floor after. He barely has a second of relief before the feeling picks up again and Dean whimpers to himself. He really just needs this to be over.

< \- - - - - >

It takes them five days to track down Ryan and in the end, it's Rowena who does it. Dean insists on going with them because he doesn't want that fucker anywhere near his home and if Ryan is the one who did this to him, he's sure as fuck going to fix it. The logistics of it aren't quite so easy to figure out because Dean can't drive himself, but he doesn't want anyone else coming with him because he hates this enough without anyone else having to experience it.

He ends up driving with Cas in the Impala which is great in theory, but seeing Cas drive his car is hotter than it has any right to be and Dean's struggling with his attraction to Cas at the best of times, without the overwhelming lust that creeps up on him daily. They're fifteen minutes into their drive when it hits him like a fucking punch to the gut and Dean can't do anything but close his eyes dig his fingers into his thighs, trying not to think too much about it. The worst thing is, in the confined space, he can fucking _smell_ Cas which is doing all sorts of thing he never expected it to. 

There's no denying he's hard - that ship sailed the second the urge hit him - and all he can hope is that Cas is paying more attention to the road than he is to _him_. He risks a quick glance and Cas' knuckles are white around the wheel; Dean doesn't know if it's because he's uncomfortable or because he's trying to focus, but he feels like it's his fault either way. He holds out for as long as he can, but he's so fucking hard, his cock pressing uncomfortable against his zipper and he needs relief - as much as he hates it. 

"Cas, I can't," he pants, "I need you to stop." He hates how breathless and desperate he sounds, but his point gets across and Cas pulls over at the first chance he gets. Dean opens the door and practically falls out of the car. He doesn't even bother shutting the door before tearing his jeans open and pulling his cock out. He jerks off in the dirt at the side of the road, wings still half-trapped in the cab of the car, and he has to support himself on the door to keep from tipping forward. 

The last of his self-respect slips away as he comes, shaking against the door of his car and he wants to cry or hide or just simply cease to exist as his body sinks back against his seat. His wings are still cramped, but he hardly feels it in comparison to the shame and embarrassment that overtake everything else. He does his best to clean up and only barely resists getting in the back seat so he doesn't have to face Cas. 

As he climbs back into his seat, shifting to tuck his wings back behind him, Cas has the patience and good will not to say anything. They make the rest of the drive in utter silence, but not even Dean's humiliation is enough to will away the feelings for long and by the time they to Ryan's hideout, he's already on edge again. 

Ryan strolls out unconcerned, hands in his pockets and Dean wants to press him up against the wall and rut against him until he comes. No, he reminds himself firmly, at this point, he wants to kill him. Sam is already standing there facing him when they pull up and Dean lunges forward, taking Ryan by the neck and slamming him up against the side of the house. 

"Ah, so it didn't work, then?" 

"You did this," Dean hisses and his wings flare furiously behind him. 

"Oh," Ryan smirks, peering over Dean's shoulder, "that's interesting."

"Stop playing," Dean warns, but before he can do much more than threaten, Sam is between them, pulling Dean off of him. 

"You're not helping," he hisses, "we need his help, Dean."

"Do you now?" Ryan grins, stepping so he's nearly between the brothers. "And how exactly do you expect me to help?"

"You did this to me," Dean says, "you can undo it." 

Ryan chuckles softly, dipping his head before sliding right up next to Dean. "I did not do this," he says, gesturing to Dean. "And I don't see any reason I should help."

"We killed your partner," Cas says bluntly, "I could kill you too, in a second."

"There's no need to make any rash decisions," Ryan sighs, rolling his eyes. "If I help you, you leave me alone. Now and forever."

"We'll leave you alone so long as you stay out of our way. If I see you again," Cas breathes, "if I find you causing any trouble at all, I'll kill you myself."

Ryan relents, but he seems displeased about it and Dean can't really blame him. He's been on the receiving end of Cas' threats more than once, and for someone who's not stupidly turned on by it, Cas can be terrifying. 

"Fine," Ryan says. "Yes, I tried to cast a spell on Dean, but this was not me."

"Don't lie to me-" Dean starts, but Ryan cuts him off. 

" _What I mean_ , is that I tried to cast a love spell, to make you fall for me-" the look on Sam's face is one of horror and confusion and Dean can't help but share a little of that feeling, despite his body heating up at an alarming rate. "I'm sure you can't imagine what it's like to live your life in secrecy just because of what you are. I thought having a hunter on my side might come in handy and Dean's, well," he smirks at him, looking him up and down and Dean scowls. "If I'm going to have him, I might as well make good use of him, right."

It's a testament to Dean's disgust that he still wants to punch this fucker because if he were to let his body decide, he'd be fucking him right now. Cas, on the other hand, is practically vibrating next to him, and Sam has to hold him back. 

"Obviously that's not what happened," Dean snaps and the feelings are getting to him again; he needs to figure this out now or get the fuck out and let Sam and Cas deal with it. Cas notices and when he looks over he's frowning. "I'm fine," Dean whispers, just loud enough for Cas to hear, but Ryan's face breaks into a wide smile that Dean doesn't like the look of at all. 

"Interesting," he hums, looking Cas up and down. 

"What is?" Cas snaps and the force behind it is doing nothing to help Dean's currently fragile state. 

"Magic is very delicate, lots of factors come into play and any one of those factors can change the outcome if you haven't accounted for it. Sometimes love spells and other spells that deal with emotion can go... haywire - if the target is already in love with someone else." He keeps his eyes focused on Cas and Dean wants to deny everything because no one is supposed to know how he feels about Cas, least of all Cas himself and this is not how he wants him to find out. 

This is going on too long and Ryan won't stop looking at Cas. Dean doesn't get a chance to defend himself, because Cas has already moved on to the next step. 

"So you can't help?" he asks bluntly.

"The spell that _I_ cast is easily countered, with the right information. This... whatever it is isn't my work, it's a (garbled) version and it's beyond me."

"You have to _do_ something," Dean grunts and Sam is right at his side again, ready to hold him back if he needs to. 

"I don't know what to tell you. Maybe it'll just run its course, maybe it won't. Until then I suggest you and your angel spend a little time getting to know each other. Seems like you need it." 

For a split second, Dean's rage overpowers his lust and he pulls away from Sam, but Ryan is gone and there's nothing he can do about it. 

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"We'll figure something out," Cas assures him, but Dean is doubtful. 

Sam heads home first and Dean sneaks away to deal with his unruly dick before making the drive home with Cas - he doesn't want a repeat of the drive here. He climbs into the back seat this time, sitting sideways to give his wings more space and the drive is unbearably awkward because he can smell Cas again and even after coming less than ten minutes ago, the scent of him is overwhelming and it's not something Dean can just tune out. He tries to hold a conversation to keep his mind off of it, but his voice cracks and it's a dead giveaway. 

"How are you feeling?" Cas asks and Dean just groans at him, but it comes out as more of a whimper. He shifts to try and ease some of the pressure, but his cock rubs against the inside of his underwear and Dean shuts his eyes against the rush of pleasure, but a soft moan spills from his lips. 

"Cas," he groans and he's okay to ask him to pull over again, but he doesn't want to; he's already jerked off in front of him once tonight and he was hoping that was something he'd never have to do. He changes his mind, pressing a palm against his dick in an attempt to ease the ache but it's not working. 

He's rocking up into the touch before he realizes and he presses his hands to his sides, shoving them under his thighs to keep from getting carried away. He's practically lying across the seat now, with his wings spread as much as he can in the small space. He doesn't realize his hips are moving, rocking up against the fabric of his boxer-briefs until he's right on the edge. He presses his ass into the seat with a groan, and he could get Cas to pull over now, but he wouldn't make it out of the car anyway and he just wants to come so badly. 

" _God_ ," he groans, "why do you smell so fucking good?"

He barely moves, but it's too much and it pushes him over the edge. Dean doubles over, grabbing his cock through his pants and rubbing himself to a mediocre orgasm that, while thoroughly embarrassing, only leaves him wanting more. 

As soon as they get back, Dean slinks away to his room because he's had enough of making an idiot out of himself in front of Cas and apparently he's doomed to be like this forever.

< \- - - - - >

Cas comes to check on him in the morning and the only thing that keeps Dean from throwing himself at him, regardless of the shame that's taken root, is the fact that he's already come three times this morning. He hopes Cas doesn't mention last night, because it's the last thing he wants to think about, and, much to his relief, Cas just walks in and shuts the door. He hesitates for a moment before coming forward.

"Can I sit?" he asks and Dean nods, watching the way Cas sits down a little awkwardly. "I have a theory," he says and Dean perks up immediately. 

"What is it?"

"I wanted to come and talk to you last night, but I didn't think you'd be up to having a visitor." Dean wants to tell him that Cas is always welcome, but this time, he's right. 

"What is it?"

"I think you're in heat." Whatever Dean was expecting, it's not that and now he regrets asking at all.

"Woah, woah, woah, back up."

Cas rolls his eyes. "Last night you said something about the way I smelled, and the witch said he thought the spell went wrong because of your feelings," he explains, "and you have to admit the wings are kind of... a giveaway. I think it's because of our connection that you are the way you are. Like that movie we watched with Jack - the one with the ogre."

"Are you fucking- _Shrek_?"

"Yes," Cas huffs, "hear me out. Fiona lived her life expecting to fall in love with a prince who's kiss would turn her back into a human forever, but when she truly fell in love and took 'true love's from' she wasn't human at all." 

Dean's internally panicking and he can barely think straight because Cas is talking about their connection and true love and he's not supposed to know how Dean feels and this is all going so, so wrong. He covers it all up, but Cas can clearly see that he's struggling. 

"Maybe something similar is happening to you," he offers. "Who are you closer to than me or Sam?"

"So why not Sam?"

"Its..." Cas looks up to him, choosing his words carefully. "A different type of love, I think."

Dean realizes where he's going and he's not ready to admit to anything, whether or not Cas thinks he knows, so he changes the subject. "I thought you figured something out about the... other thing."

"I'm getting there," Cas sighs. "Angels have a sort of backup system, if you will, in case our numbers deplete drastically- it's not something that's ever come about so there isn't much documentation on it - but like many other creatures we experience a period of heat- the undeniable urge to mate, to repopulate. Usually, our grace would be enough to keep the urges at bay, but you don't have grace, so you're getting the full effect."

Dean just looks at him because he's not sure how to process any of that right now. "Okay, so what I'm getting is that you're Shrek and I'm in _heat_ \- Jesus fucking Christ, Cas."

"Dean, if you are-"

"Don't you dare say it."

"In heat," Cas finishes and Dean shuts his eyes in exasperation. "It may just run its course."

"And how long is that gonna be?"

"A couple of weeks. A month?"

"Are you kidding me? Weeks? A month?" The realization is only worse when the feelings start to creep up on him again and Dean just balls his hands into fists and drops his chin. He's not going to survive this. What makes it worse is that he still can't tell anyone that Cas makes it worse, and when he thinks about it, Cas' stupid theory makes sense. 

He sneaks out of bed when he's sure the coast is clear and he grabs his laptop and snacks and starts looking up animal mating patterns because he can't be in heat. It has to be something else, but everything he finds seems to fit and even when something doesn't, his personal situation is heaven and magic and not something that can be learned watching the Discovery Channel. 

Cas comes to check on him in the evening and he brings him dinner. Dean apologizes, but he doesn't say much else. 

"Is everything okay? You seem a little... _more_ down than you were earlier."

"I was doing some research. I think you're right."

"But that's not everything?" Cas asks and Dean shrugs and sighs, flopping backwards onto the mattress with a thud. He pulls his wings up to cover his face and mumbles, 

"It's worse when I'm around you. I mean it's not like you cause it, but I- I have less control over myself if you're around when it happens."

"It's the same as what I was saying before because I'm an angel - most likely."

"Makes sense. Does it uh, does it work both ways?'

"Yes. Eat your dinner." Cas smiles at him and turns back toward the door, but just as he's about to leave, Dean stops him.

"Hey, uh, Cas?"

"Hm?"

"How did you figure all of this out? I mean, I know you said the thing about how you smell but... It's gotta be more than just that, right?"

"Because it works both ways," Cas says simply and then he's gone and Dean is left feeling turned on in a whole other way because the thought that Cas could feel even a fraction of what Dean feels for him is too much for him to cope with right now. Instead of eating, Dean sets his food aside and shuts the light off. He doesn't know what to do with himself so he lies in the dark and tries to figure out what Cas could have meant _other_ implying that he's also horny as hell and wants to fuck him. 

Because Dean is fed up with this whole situation and because his body is gaining control over his logical though, he waits until he's sure Sam is sleeping that night, and then he sneaks out of his room. He doesn't have far to go; Cas' room is just a couple doors down, but he doesn't want to get caught. It's not like he's doing anything he shouldn't be - he just wants to talk to Cas and see if there's anything he can do to help, considering he seems to have a handle on his own situation. Besides, even if he was going to Cas' room in the middle of the night in the hopes of getting dicked down, that wouldn't be any of Sam's business anyway. 

Dean taps lightly on the door and when there's no denial, he pushes it open and slips in quietly. Cas is just sitting quietly on his bed and he smiles at Dean as he comes in, but what really strikes Dean, is that he's only wearing a pair of lounge pants and an old hoodie - one of Dean's. It twists something in his stomach that he realizes has nothing to do with the rest of this mess and he turns to lock the door behind him, hiding the shaky breath he takes. 

"Nice outfit," he grins and Cas just looks down at him and shrugs. 

"A while back you told me I'd be more comfortable in _'not that stupid thing,'_ " he quotes. "You were right."

"Suits you."

"Thank you. I'm assuming you didn't come to discuss my clothing choices, though? I wouldn't think you'd need to lock the door for that."

"No, I came about the uh, other thing. I was hoping you might have something that could help?" 

"I'm sorry," Cas says, sitting up and fixing him with an apologetic look. "If I knew of anything, I would have given it to you already. The only reason I don't feel it so much is-"

"Your grace," Dean finishes.

"Yeah." Cas breathes. "I'm sorry. I know it's difficult." He leans forward, sliding a hand over Dean's knee and everything happens in an instant. He's hit with a sudden rush of lust and before he even knows what he's doing, he's got Cas flat on his back and he's on top of him on all fours, staring down at him. 

"I'm sorry," Cas breathes, but there's the faintest hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "I was going to ask how you're feeling, but I guess I have my answer."

When Dean can finally move again, he's horrifically embarrassed and he pushes himself back and off of Cas. He fumbles to apologize, but Cas just pulls himself up, leaning against the headboard and assures him that it's fine and it's not his fault. 

"You can't be held responsible for something you can't control," he says, but Dean just wants to die. He never should have come to see Cas in the first place; now that it's started, Dean's heart is racing out of control and he just needs to get away. 

"Dean?" Cas asks and he realizes he's been looking at the floor. He doesn't look up. "I can help- if you want."

"Cas, I-" He can't even consider accepting this offer, as much as he really, really wants to. "I can't ask that of you." No matter how uncomfortable or how desperate he is, the last thing he wants to do is take advantage of Cas' kindness - not in a case like this. 

"It's not like that," Cas assures him, "I want to help."

Dean tries to hard to fight against it, but every instinct is telling him to fuck or be fucked and Cas, incredibly, is right here offering. Cas shifts forward, leaning into him and Dean's heart is pounding so hard he's sure Cas can hear it. He wants Cas more than anything, but this isn't the way to do it. 

When he looks up, Cas is right in front of him and Dean shuts his eyes because it would be so easy to just lean forward and kiss him and he's thought about it so many times, but his body is moving without his permission and this feels wrong. He ducks his head at the last second, pressing his forehead against Cas' and he can feel his breath on his face. 

"Promise me this doesn't change anything," he breathes. "I don't want to risk everything we have because of some spell that got fucked up."

"Don't think about it like that," Cas whispers, "you and I will be fine, what we have is more important." 

Dean doesn't know what to do because he can't trust his body and his voice seems to be stuck because hearing Cas say something like that out loud is harder than he thought it would be. Maybe it's just because right now his cock is throbbing and he's reaching his capacity for dealing with this. 

"Please," is all he can manage but Cas turns him over gently, leaning him back against the pillows. Cas climbs over him and for a second the nervous twist in his cut outweighs the need and Dean almost pushes him back and tells him it's too much. Before he gets a chance, Cas is dipping down, pressing their lips together and Dean is lost. 

Kissing Cas is like a holy experience and Dean's not sure if it's the curse or his feelings for him or just that fact that Cas isn't human, but there's something so intense that he can barely stand it. He wants so much more, but Cas moves slowly, pressing his hands into Dean's sides, up over his chest to hold the side of his neck. He meets Dean's eyes and Dean is reminded that Cas is something more than all of this, that this man who stands beside him and watches garbage TV and baking shows is actually not a man at all, but a celestial being trapped in this tiny body.

Dean breathes hard, keeping his eyes locked on Cas' and he's never felt so lost during sex, but it's hard to believe Cas would want anything to do with him - like this, anyway. 

"Turn over," Cas breathes and Dean holds his gaze for a second longer before rolling onto his stomach. Cas lets him get settled and when Dean's got his arms folded under his head, glancing back over his shoulder, Cas crawls up over him, straddling his hips. He whispers _relax_ and presses his lips to the base of Dean's neck, running his hands up Dean's bare back and into the downy feathers at the base of his wings. It's like a burst of pleasure rushing straight through him and Dean arches his back instinctively, moaning loudly in his surprise. 

"What _was_ that?" he huffs and Cas pushes further, up into the longer feathers. The faint tug is (amazing) and Cas laughs softly, lowering his body against Dean's as he kisses behind his ear. 

"You've never touched them?" he asks and Dean shakes his head. He never really considered it because at the beginning they were so sensitive. 

"No," he admits and he can feel Cas' smile against his skin. 

"If I wanted to, I could make you come just touching your wings," Cas rolls his hips down and Dean can feel the thick line of his erection pressing against his ass. He considers again, that this is _Cas_ telling him how easily he could make him come and maybe he's got a point because the words alone make his cock ache. 

Sure, some of it is the curse, but this feels different; the urgency is dimmed this time - Cas' doing, he suspects - but he _wants_ more than he ever has before. It's pure, unfiltered lust, but this time it feels natural, not magic-induced, though he doesn't believe for a second that it's over. Cas slides a hand under his hip and Dean lifts his hips to make it easier for him. In just a second, Cas has him out of his pants and he's running his hands up the backs of Dean's thighs, pushing them apart and Dean shuffles, adjusting his position before Cas bends down, squeezing his ass and pressing his cheeks apart. 

"If we had time, I'd make you feel so good," he breathes, mouthing at the base of Dean's spine. "I don't think I'm gonna last that long."

"God," Dean groans, "if you don't hurry up, I'm gonna come right now."

Cas presses between his cheeks, rubbing his thumb over Dean's hole and Dean whines into Cas' pillow, pressing back into the touch. Cas continues, pressing just so that his finger pushes inside and Dean is aching, pulling his knees up under him and rocking into the touch.

He actually cries out when Cas' tongue presses into him and his wings flare suddenly, knocking everything off of Cas' nightstand.

"Sorry," he mumbles, but Cas is preoccupied, licking over his hole and pressing his fingers against him. Dean could come just like this; it's been so long since he's been with anyone and Cas feels so good even without pushing into him. Dean's certain the only reason he _hasn't_ come already is because of this stupid curse and his desperate need to be fucked. 

Cas crawls up over Dean's back, reaching over to the side table as he pushes him back to the mattress. When he moves back down, his fingers are cold and slick with lube and he slips into him without resistance. Dean groans, pushing back onto Cas' finger without hesitation. He's never been this eager to come, to the point where he doesn't even care about the foreplay, so long as Cas fucks him and does it soon. 

He doesn't have to wait long. Cas has been struggling to keep his control since they started this, Dean can feel it in every shaky touch and the frantic huffs of breath against his skin, but then there's a soft _whoosh_ and something soft brushes against his arms. When he turns to look, Cas' wings are fully visible again, draped over Dean's shoulders and arms. Dean plays with the longest feathers, twisting them between his fingers to keep himself calm as Cas stretches him open, but then Cas draws back and Dean turns back to him, watching as well as he can as Cas aligns himself as well as possible and presses into him. 

Dean moans as Cas' cock pushes into him, stretching him wide and satisfying something deep and dark within Dean. Cas tries to take it slow and Dean does his best to keep pace, but it's so hard when he's been waiting for this for so long. Even without this curse, he's been daydreaming of this for _months_ and all he wants is for Cas to fuck him hard and fast until he can't think straight. The longer Cas holds out, the stronger the feelings just get stronger until Dean's seconds away from flipping themselves over and fucking himself on Cas' cock. 

"You don't have to be so careful with me," Dean huffs, "I've been through a hell of a lot in the last little while."

Cas lowers himself flush against Dean's back, biting his neck. "I don't want to hurt you."

"Baby, at this point I want you to."

Cas growls low in his ear and snaps his hips forward hard. He pushes himself up, digging his fingers into Dean's wings and _oh yeah_ , this is what he wants. The change is instantaneous and when Cas pushes him into the bed and fucks him hard, Dean just lets himself be pushed around and held down.

He can feel it in every thrust that this is exactly what he's needed for so long and when Cas bites his shoulder and moves down to his neck to his wings Dean loses his damn mind. Cas has the fingers of one hand clenched tightly in his wing and Dean can barely breathe with his face pressed too hard into the pillows. It doesn't last for as long as he's hoping, but this time when he comes, he comes so hard he nearly blacks out and for the first time since all of this started, he actually feels satisfied. Cas collapses on his back a few seconds late and Dean's eyes flutter shut, reveling in the warm weight of Cas above him. 

When Cas rolls off of him, Dean's so tired he can barely think and before Cas can even convince him to get up and get clean, Dean tugs him close and curls up against his chest. Cas hums softly and pulls him in close, stroking Deans wings and his hair until Dean falls asleep in his arms.

< \- - - - - >

In the middle of the night, Dean wakes up and Cas is lying awake next to him so Dean turns awkwardly, wrinkling his nose as the slickness in his ass. Other than that, Dean feels more like himself than he has in months and he smiles as he presses in closer to Cas.

"Hey," he breathes. "How are you feeling?"

"Content," Cas smiles. "How are you?"

"Good. Really good. Hey uh, Cas? Thanks for, y' know."

"You know I would do anything for you, Dean. Especially if your comfort is at stake."

"Me too," Dean agrees, "I mean if you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask." Cas reaches out, brushing his fingers over Dean's cheek and Dean pulls away, embarrassed. "I don't deserve this."

"The curse?" Cas asks, "of course you don't, Dean. No one deserves this."

"No I mean this, you- you're too good to me."

"I'm not," Cas assures him, "and you do deserve this. After everything you and Sam have done for this world, how could you not deserve some good?" Dean gets quiet because he doesn't know how to respond to that, but Cas doesn't seem to mind and he's just content to comb through Dean's hair with his fingers. 

For a few minutes, they just lie together in silence and Dean's happy to lie quietly, but if there was ever the perfect time to admit how he feels it's right now. Cas already knows more than he expected, so maybe it won't be as hard as he's been aniticipating. Dean tries three times, but he can't seem to find the words, so he just forces himself to speak, rather than let it all build up until he makes some stupid confession in the middle of a fight or something, as he's likely to do. 

"You know," he starts, "I know I said I didn't want anything to chance, but-" Cas looks at him and Dean's mind goes blank. "Have you ever felt something _different_ between us?"

"From the moment we met," Cas breathes and Dean tips his head back, watching Cas' eyes for a moment before kissing him softly. He mumbles a soft _me too_ , but it gets lost somewhere between their lips. Cas kisses him back, rolling Dean onto his back and slotting their legs together. This time, when Cas fucks him, he's slow and gentle and neither of them is rushing toward anything.

< \- - - - - >

Dean wakes up late in the morning, having spent the majority of his night awake with Cas. Despite coming three times last night, the feelings are still there, but so is the warmth of Cas' body against his own and the faint brush of fingers through his wings. Dean's starting to see the appeal of the wings - he might even miss them if they can ever figure this damn thing out - and as Cas' fingers push between his feathers he hums softly. This time, he's not worried about the creeping sensation that seeps into his bones because he knows Cas will take care of him until he gets through this.

And when he does get through this, he and Cas are gonna go out and he's gonna put a bullet in that witch's face.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies for the awful Shrek reference. I assure you, it was 100% necessary.


End file.
